People often ask us for a simple definition of the word “marketing,” and as it turns out there are several. Here they are for your fun and enjoyment:

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You’re a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, “I’m fantastic in bed”.

That’s Direct Marketing.

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You’re a woman and you’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and, pointing at you, says,

“She’s fantastic in bed”.

That’s Advertising.

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You’re a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say, “Hi, I’m fantastic in bed”.

That’s Telemarketing.

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You’re a woman and you see a guy at a party; you straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, “May I?” and reach up to straighten his tie, brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then say, “By the way, I’m fantastic in bed”.

That’s Public Relations.

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You’re a woman and you’re at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, “I hear you’re fantastic in bed”.

That’s Brand Recognition.

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You’re a woman and you’re at a party and see a handsome guy. He fancies you, but you talk him into going home with your friend.

That’s a Sales Rep.

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You’re a woman and your friend can’t satisfy him so he calls you.

That’s Tech Support.

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You’re a woman and you are on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome men in all these houses you’re passing, so you climb onto the roof of one situated towards the center and shout at the top of your lungs, “I’m fantastic in bed!”

That’s Facebook.

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If you are a man and secretly disclose a list of names of those women who are fantastic in bed.

That’s Insider Trading.

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You’re a woman and you are at a party; this attractive wealthy older man walks up to you and grabs your ass.

That’s Bill Clinton (or Harvey Weinstein).

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You didn’t mind it, but twenty years later your attorney decides you were offended and you are awarded a settlement.

That’s America.